Who: Black guy sitting by himself.
Everybody has experienced panhandlers at some point in their lives. Sometimes on the street, sometimes while driving and stopped at a red light, and, most often, on public transportation.
As I stepped into the subway car at 14th st headed for Wall St. I looked around for an open seat. As there were several folks standing I assumed I was out of luck. But, to my surprise, there was a stretch of three seats that were vacant with the fourth being occupied by a semi- regular looking guy eating something.
Now, it is always a bad sign when there are so many open seats and nobody is taking them. At the end of the day one wants nothing more than to grab a seat so either this guy smells horrendous or is crazy; or both!
As I took my position to stand (diagonal from him, the better to observe and get my fists up if something goes down) I noticed one of the more stranger things I have ever seen: this man was eating salad out of Tupperware. I never would have imagined someone eating salad on the subway let alone this guy. I knew something was off with him. But, the kicker was that this salad was drenched in dressing. It looked more like he was eating dressing with salad in it. As he would get a spoonful (yes, a spoon. Plastic) it would spill a little as he brought it to his mouth. It was practically unavoidable what with the driver doing 50 and such a long distance for the spoon to travel.
After a bout 30 seconds of being on the train he justified the reason nobody was choosing to sit next to him. This man busted out into one of, if not the best monologues/rap sessions I have ever witnessed. What is written below is the exact words that came out of his mouth. As he was speaking I took out my phone and created a text message that I would save to my drafts.
(The man puts away his salad and begins speaking to himself as he stands up and walks slowly through the train...)
"Zim to the zam. Talk a week straight. (gargling noises). Check it out-ba-ba-boo. (laughing) We can disconfuse. Deck mm man back oh you get checked then you get f*cked up. Into the ram, slam, take that back to queens, oh oh flex-mex-tex-bex, gonna hit the clown, bex mmm ha. Ting. How you gon be a motherf*ckin city for 24hrs..."
Then he got off the train and hit the window as we drove away.
I think the Academy should be notified.
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