Sunday, November 28, 2010

Three Friends

Setting: The Q train from Brooklyn heading to Manhattan

Who: Three young women
A: Alpha of the group. Wearing sweatshirt with hood up. Talks the most. Swears constantly
B: Can't articulate feelings but has a lot of them. Experiencing trouble with significant other
C: Quiet and out of place. Should have other friends but likes feeling of belonging.

As I boarded the train heading to work I was surprised that there were so many seats available. Usually, on a weekday morning, the train is packed and I am forced to stand as I travel 35 minutes to work.

After two stops, a fair amount of people boarded the train and as there were several seats available, particularly the seats closest to me, I soon found myself unable to really stretch out. To my immediate left sat a black woman while her two friends, whom she boarded the train with, sat opposite us.

Although I could only see her out of my peripherals, I noticed the woman who sat next to me the most. She had her hood on her head and a snot rag, in her hand that she kept using to wipe her nose. Her voice was nasally and she was clearly sick. No matter; a common cold could never stop a woman of her caliber from talking trash.

Before her rear touched the seat she started on what was definitely the best part of their conversation: her opinion of other women.

The following is a direct quote: "These ugly bitches are doing it! I gotta go home and write it on facebook. 'Ugly bitches are getting fine guys.' Trust me, ugly girls will be runnin' shit in 2011!"

Let's dissect piece by piece.

"These ugly bitches are doing it! I gotta go home and write it on facebook."
Its always something serious when a sentence begins with "these ugly bitches". However, we don't know exactly what she means until later in her rant. What we can deduce from this is knowing that nothing is for real until it is on facebook.

"Ugly bitches are getting the fine guys"
Is that so, madame? Clearly there is something bitter going on here. Perhaps you had a boyfriend and he has since been shacked up with another and your only argument is that less attractive women, in your opinion, are getting guys. Well I say this: if your argument were true then you, too, would have a boyfriend.

"Trust me, ugly girls will be runnin' shit in 2011"
Oh no! ! I do wonder what she meant by 'runnin' shit'. Perhaps she meant that the local government will be overrun with ugly bitches making decisions that she, as an attractive person will have to grudgingly deal with. And shoot we only got a month until the year is up. We are all doomed!


After this enlightening on ugly people, the conversation switched to the women who had trouble getting her feelings and thoughts out in the open. As she struggled to form a sentence in between shaking her head and exhaling, I looked at the quiet one of the group and realized she would go this whole subway ride without saying one thing. She just nods and says "yeah, girl" under her breath.

The second lady was able to hammer home the point of her feelings after a few minutes, however. "He didn't get me no birthday present. I AKSED him about it and he said nothing"

"He didn't get me no birthday present."
Hmm. If we were take her sentence literally then, in actuality, your boyfriend did get you a birthday present but I don't believe that is what she was saying.

"I AKSED him about it and he said nothing."
I never understood this one. Ask is not too challenging of a word but for some reason a variety of people cannot pronounce it properly. Ask and axe-apparently there is no difference. If someone were to speak with me and saying "Can I aks you something?" I would have to respond by thanking them for the kind gesture but I choose to get my own firewood.

Once we stopped at 34th Herald Square, all four of us got off and as I let them exit before me (I am a gentleman/wanted to hear more conversation) I noticed that the first woman who sat next to me had a marijuana leaf tattoo on her hand while the second woman had four stars tattoo'd on her face.

If I had to guess I would say the one with the tattoo on the hand is a professor while the one with the stars is an investment banker.



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